Why Connection Comes Before Influence — in Sales and Leadership

Jens P Edgren
Oct 6
3 min read

Updated: 2 days ago

If you want to excel in sales or leadership, there’s one truth that matters more than metrics, strategies, or processes: connection comes before influence.

Whether you’re closing a deal or leading a team, your success depends on two universal abilities:

The ability to connect with people
The ability to influence them in ways that create real value

If you want to excel in sales or leadership, there’s one truth that matters more than metrics, strategies, or processes: connection comes before influence.

Why Most Sellers and sales Leaders Go Wrong

Too many people focus on logic first. They rely on facts, figures, and rational arguments:

Return on investment
Lower total cost of ownership
Reduced risk of penalties or compliance issues

These are important, but they don’t move people. That’s why many deals fail and why good leaders sometimes lose trust despite their hard work and dedication.

The True Secret: Connection First

Influence doesn’t start with logic — it starts with connection. You cannot influence someone you haven’t genuinely connected with.

So how do you connect? It starts by understanding universal human needs:

Feeling heard
Feeling seen
Feeling loved
Feeling powerful
Feeling in control
Feeling useful

When you meet someone — whether a customer or team member — discover which of these needs matter most to them.

How to Find Out What Drives People

Ask simple but meaningful questions:

“What’s most important to you in your job?”
“What’s your ambition with this role?”

Then listen. Some people crave belonging, others focus on results, purpose, growth, status, or money.

Next, dig into their success formula:

“How will you know when you’ve achieved that?”
“What do you normally do to get there?”

Now you understand their needs and their path to success. That’s the foundation for genuine influence.

From Understanding to Influence

People engage with salespeople or leaders because they want something. Once you understand their drivers, offer value in a way that fits their story:

“Here’s something that could help you achieve [their goal or value].”

This approach feels natural, ethical, and effective — not manipulative.

Understanding Motivation

Everyone is motivated by one of two forces:

Achievers: Show them what they can gain — recognition, success, growth.
Avoiders: Show them what they might lose — failure, missed opportunities, risks.

Both motivations require empathy, not pressure.

Handling Disagreement

Sometimes, disagreement happens. Don’t push — give choices and shift responsibility to the other person:

“It seems we have major disagreements. I’m not sure we can work together. But what if we tried?”

True influence begins when people feel respected and empowered to decide.

Final Thought

Connection is about caring. Influence is about helping

When you connect first and influence second, you don’t just close deals or achieve KPIs — you build trust, loyalty, and momentum that lasts. That’s the heart of great sales and great leadership.